Don't Blame Me, I'm Sick
by MisterCrazyUpstairs
Summary: Edward is sick, and Jonathan must deal with the Prince of Puzzlers. Multi-chap fic, fluffy Edward/Jonathan.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First try at Jon/Ed, one of the most amazing couples in the Batverse. Chappy One. **

Jonathan had been carefully measuring the last few drops of a prestigious new toxin formula when Edward burst in the lab, coughing and hacking up a storm. "Jonathaaaaaaaan," he whined, "my head hurts. My tummy hurts. My throat hurts, see?" As if to prove his point he coughed again, forcing Jonathan to look up from his beakers, trying desperately to just ignore the whole thing and hope it blew over as an attempt to unsuccessfully get his attention.

"And what exactly am _I_ supposed to do about that?" He asked curiously, peering over his square spectacles.

"Make me feel better!" The other man cried, throwing himself into Jonathan's lap and sending the off-balanced duo tumbling to the concrete floor.

Jonathan groaned, half from pain, half from aggravation as the vials in his hands flew out of his fingers and cracked against the ground. "Edward." He said, addressing the man who was currently clasping his arms around Jon's neck and burrowing his face into the latter's collarbone. "That was a brand new sample. One which is particularly hard to recreate."

"Don't blame me," Eddie's muffled voice said after some consideration. "I'm sick."


	2. Chapter 2

After carrying the lethargic (and somewhat heavy) Edward-clad in some tailored green silk pajamas with little black question marks peppered on them-to the front room, and depositing him on the couch, he hadn't stopped complaining.

First, it was medicine.

"Jonyyyyyyy. Don't we have Tylenol? Or Aspirin? Child's medication! Strong Scotch for Pete's sake!"

"Right Edward," Jonathan said, rummaging around in all their kitchen drawers and coming up short. With as much vehemence as he could muster he continued, "I must have decided to mix it with my latest batch of poisonous chemicals... Let me make you some."

Then it was tea.

"We don't _have_ chamomile. We _have_ green or lemon."

"But can't you go to the store and _buy_ some?"

Trying to keep the exasperated tone out of his voice, Jonathan replied, "I hardly think I could just walk straight into a supermarket without causing at least a little bit of a distraction, Edward. Or have you already forgotten our latest excursions?"

When Jonathan finally made him some hot chocolate-found at the bottom of an old, forgotten junk drawer, filled to the brink with hammers, saws and other less-than-atrocious objects, he was aggravated yet unsurprised when it still wasn't enough for ole' Eddie.

"There's not enough _marshmallows_ Jonny."

"They're dissolving because you're not drinking it fast enough."

"It's _hot_. I could _burn_ myself."

Another thing about Edward being sick was that he thought he was King of the Abode.

"Could you move the coffee table over a little, I feel too crowded."

"It's _fine_ where it's _at._" Jon replied, squeezing the bridge of his nose, peeking over at the tousle-haired Edwards who was squeaking out commands.

"I'm claustrophobic."

"Move it yourself."

"I'm _sick._" After another long pause he stated, "the TV's too close also. Maybe a little to the right?"

Jonathan didn't know all that much about 24 hour colds, but he was starting to hope this was one of them. It was beginning to look like a very long day.


	3. Chapter 3

After some time Edward had finally, and briefly, settled down. He had stopped his demands and had become content upon curling himself into a ball, wrapping the couch's throw around himself, and sipping from the now ice-cold chocolate beverage that he was holding in his hands like it was gold. He had gotten over all whining and was just silent, flipping the TV to a game show and resting down so he could answer every question before the response could reach his ears. Jonathan just watched with some incredulity before leaning back in his own chair and closing his eyes. Trying not to get too comfortable in the least.

One would think that being sick would actually shut _up_ a person, but like most things, Edward was quite the exception, and Jonathan found no such luck.

"I'm not feeling myself today. Can I feel you?"

Of course, one didn't live for so long with the Prince of Puzzlers without picking up a thing or two about witty-comebacks.

"Yuck, you could be contagious."

"Am not." He replied, sticking out his tongue, but his statement was punctured ironically with a cough attack. "Besides, it's healthy to be sick sometimes. I notice _you_ never are."

"That made terrible sense Edward. Maybe the oxygen flow has cut off from your brain."

"Shuddup, I'm just as smart as ever. Possibly more so. Smarter than you."

"You're pushing it you know." Jonathan stated, hiding his smile. "Let it be know that I'm not against tackling a handicapped person."

"I am _not_ handicapped." Edward said, looking highly affronted, with a hand placed on his chest.

"Are you sure?" Jon asked back, knowing just the right buttons to push. "Your hair looks a little sickly to me."

"_What?"_ Eddie screeched, trying to pelt upwards but falling short around the blanket he'd wrapped himself in. He gracelessly toppled to the ground as Jon burst out laughing, but he got up to help the man to his feet.

Pouting as he was pulled back into standing position the smaller man cried, "that was mean. I could've gotten a concussion you know. That table really _is _too close."

"We wouldn't want that now, would we? Jonathan mock replied, but nevertheless he wrapped his arms around his lover to comfort him for just a short amount of time. "Now, back onto the sofa you go."

"Please. Stay with me?" Edward asked, fixing Jon with his gleaming blue eyes that looked just as pleading as when he wasn't sick, and that he knew could get him just about anything from the Prince of Fear.

How could he say no?

"Alright." Jonathan said, and he settled them on the couch, Eddie's head resting on his shoulder, looking quite peaceful for someone so recently sick.

Jon was just on the verge of thinking that maybe a less energetic Eddie was a good one, when the person in question said, "what's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?"

Biting his tongue, Jonathan shrugged helplessly.

"Cobblepot rolling down a hill. What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?"

And maybe being sick just wasn't a good enough excuse for bad humour.


	4. Chapter 4

Though it took loads of coaxing, humming lullabies, and finally having a stab at singing, Eddie had soon enough fallen quite sound asleep. It wasn't however, a very deep sleep, and every shift Jonathan made almost woke him up, which might've been ideal, as his dreams seemed to be plagued with fear. Now, there's a lot of things that Jon could handle. He could handle the whining, the complaining, the coughing, the sleeping. But as soon as you drag a feverish Edward with a broken up past full of heartache and troubles and make him twitch and turn in his sleep in fear, occasionally whimpering or calling out. Well that was something that wasn't handleable.

Jon shifted uncomfortably.

"Edward... wake up."

"No, please don't... I'm sorry!"

"Edward."

"Please don't hit me again," he pleaded to his demons, possibly on the verge of tears.

Jon bit his lip. He'd treated Edward before, when they hadn't been together, and he knew the course of his frights. He was aware of what had happened in his past, and what his father had said and done. He knew that his Edward was a narcissistic, pompous little prat with obsessive complusive tendencies and had an IQ higher than maybe even Batman's, carrying a nack for riddles to top it all off. He also knew that Edward never cried, despite the little drama queen he made out to be. For some reason Jonathan wouldn't let him.

Shaking the man by the shoulders, he hissed, "wake...up."

When Eddie finally did so, sweating and slightly delirious, he smiled up at Jon. Jon could tell he was still half asleep, but then Edward said, "My savior." and it tickled somewhere deep in Jonathan's heart.


End file.
